Control, control, control. That’s what we want, right? To have control of all aspects of our life. It would be so much easier to control the outcome of someone else’s actions. But we all know that’s impossible. So why do we stress so much for the uncontrollable?

Science says exactly what the picture above depicts. There are 3 circles:

• What we can control, one in which we are the masters of the output, our work, our feelings, our words (but that does not mean we can control the impact of our words)
• What we could influence, one in which we can
• And there’s the outer space, whatever we cannot control. Some of the studies you may find on this topic, call this The Circle of Concern. But why would you be concerned about something you cannot control?

I have learned this the hard way, during my transition from hands-on software engineer to first time team lead.

Given my sloppy start in computer science, I knew my chances. I never planned to be a first-class developer to do research and innovation using intense algorithmic programming (though I was ace at math).I always aimed to be a good engineer to solve a business problem no matter the programming language I used. And that worked, I was a good engineer.

I was now a senior software engineer in one of the leading telecom players, part of a 10 people team. My team lead got promoted and my team suddenly ended up with no proper leadership. Given that I was one of the most client and solution-oriented people in the team (not the best developer, to be noted), I was nominated to be in charge of the team.

Never dreamt of that. Never wanted that. What do I do? What’s next? How do I lead others? What does it mean? Thousands of questions and insecurities coming along with a larger paycheck and new responsibilities.

There were nights when I could not sleep. There were days I thought my work is worth nothing. I did not know how to play the role. I had no confidence the team is delivering what the client wants. I was in sync with every developer in my team on a 10-minutes basis. Doing all code reviews for every team member. Being in all the stand-ups and any meeting one of my team members were having with the client. Just to make sure things are going all right…

And this consumed me a lot and found myself fatigued of following up, chasing and controlling (or at least my perception of control, as I was not able to control anything, barely influence).

It took my one full year and external help to figure it out that I was a control freak. And I believe most of us engineers are control freaks, aiming the best for our clients and making sure our solutions are bullet proof. And this works if we act as lone wolves. But it’s never going to work when we work in a team.

TRUST is the key. Trust your team mates. As a team lead, you can grow a culture of ownership, empowerment and fellowship (all for one and one for all). It changes perspectives, morale, and ownership in a team.

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PS: I have more than 20 years experience in software development/engineering industry, I prefer to call software engineers those who look for solutions to business problems, no matter the technology. I do understand software developers’ needs of using latest and shiniest technology. But there’s a big difference between an engineer and a developer. Their motivation is different. Sometimes (but rarely) it can overlap.