Following the initial story of bursting the bubble, I am going to share another experience that changed my life.

Growing in a small town in the eastern long-underfinanced Romania, in a middle-working-class family, who turned poor after the communist revolution, was not easy. I developed some frustrations of not having what other kids around me had.

I was very good in school, especially in math. That was my refuge. I started to make money from early age, doing other kids’ homeworks. Got to do something to buy those nice sneakers, right?

And when I was 18, I started Computer Science faculty with no background in computers, knowing nothing about technology and not having a computer at home. So, quite a difficult start. I just wanted a career to give me something more than I could achieve in a small town.

While in college, I started to discover technology and be passionate about programming. I felt fulfillment coding my first app, my first website, my first game. And I’ve seen them working (buggy and clumpsy, but working) and used by other people. It felt so good and rewarding.

Finishing Computer Science in the early 2000’s provided me with plenty of opportunities. I traveled the world, I was having access to any new trend in technology, changing jobs and industries so easily. Riding the wave!

And when changing jobs, I was always looking for more money, for status and self-validation (looking back, I know this came from my childhood frustrations, but back then it all made sense for me). I progressed financially to a level I never thought I could reach. I had things I never thought I could have when I was a child.

I was now in my early 30’s, married, my daughter was one year old at that time. I had a very well-paid job. I believed I had everything I needed, everything I hoped for.

UNTIL ONE DAY…

I collapsed and ended up in hospital. My blood tests were a mess, I was fatigued. The doctors told me I was in burn out and having an early-stage depresion. I could not understand the word or state of depression. I was considered to be a happy guy. I was in absolut denial and pushing back to the diagnostics.

At some point, I took some days off to reflect on this. Being always on the run and in the middle of the whirlwind, I did not notice what was gradually happening to me.

I was working extremly long hours. With people I did not share the same values and not enjoying their company. I did not have time for my family, for my friends, for my hobbies anymore. I was paid generous amount of money, but I did not have time or will to enjoy it.

I felt trapped, I felt like in a cage. On one hand I wanted to keep the same financial level and continue providing for my family. On the other hand, I was far from being healthy. And I was far from being happy, which I realized after a few years of transition.

And this turmoil reminded me of Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s search for Meaning” and a special quote in there that I haven’t followed and lived by lately – “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing – the freedom to choose their path“. That was intriguing. I just took the book and re-read it in one single day. Once finished, I said to myself: “Lucian, let’s get back in control of our life and live it in your own way, a happy one, like it used to be when you were a kid“.

I return to my job the next day just to hand in my notice. I quit my job having nothing lined up in front of me. That felt refreshing and scary at the same time.

And here I was – unemployed. Exactly like my parents 20 years ago. But this time, IT WAS MY CHOICE.

And I just realized: money is important, but it’s not everything. Life and meaning in life are more than that. Life and meaning in life are beyond social status and how important we are perceived in a community. Our health, our happiness, our relationships, our meaning in life are beyond a job, money, status.

I learnt the importance of balancing my priorities in my life by sacrificing my health and my relationships with my dear ones. Funny thing how moments of true learning and revelation come when we allow ourselves to put harmful ideas and contexts behind us…

I then promised myself to look for things and experiences that really make me happy. And be surrounded by people I enjoy being with. Finding purpose and meaning in my life instead of money or status. And after more than 10 years from that event, I am very happy and proud to have had the strength to take that tough decision and search for my meaning instead of remaining trapped in a toxic environment just for the money.

Photo: https://zfunds.in/m/how-much-money-is-enough

It’s so easy to let ourselves submersed in an opaque world. In a comfy environment, with no challenges, where everything is known, the future has no surprises and everything is familiar. With no windows to the outer universe.

Let me tell you a very personal story about bubbles, opaque worlds and how an open window can change a life.

I was born in a small town in Romania. Some would say it’s the poorest in the country. Statistics do not contradict that either.

My parents were middle-class people. Hard working, one single job their entire life at the textile factory in the town. The factory shut down in the early 90’s (after the Revolution) when I was just a kid. Both of them became unemployed. From middle-class, having a decent living, our family plunged into poverty and insecurity of what came next.

I was surrounded by my parents’ love. And they’ve put all their efforts into my education and to provide me with the bare minimum necessities. But with all their love and all their care, they’ve instilled into my head a FEAR. The fear of uncertainty, the fear of unknown and implicitly the fear of not having a stable job. And unconsciously they’ve put into my mind a DREAM. The dream of having a safe, secure job with a stable income.

I was rocking math and I was the best in my class. I loved to read books, study history, solve math problems and play football with all the kids in the neighborhood. Despite our financial issues as a family, I was a really happy kid. Happy days and happy childhood. I was a really happy nerd.

But I had limited knowledge of the world outside of my small town and outside of my network, the people I knew. All role models for me were teachers, doctors, police officers and soldiers. All of them with secure jobs and stable income.

I was in awe with my math teacher and given my passion for the numbers I was seeing myself following a similar career. A stable one, with secure income, one I could be good at and one that would allow me to give something back. I had a DREAM. A dream created in a bubble. I could see my whole life ahead already. And that felt safe.

UNTIL ONE DAY…

I was 18, ready for a lifetime teaching career. I was in my room surrounded by my books, glasses on my nose and the back to the door. Like a real geek. I remember that day so clearly that I could draw any details of the room.

We’ve got a distant relative visiting us. It was the first time I saw that lady. She used to be a teacher but now she traveled the world with her new job. She was telling me stories about a world and a lifestyle that I’ve seen only in the movie. I was fascinated that someone who left from the same small town could live that unknown life to me and have such experiences.

And while she was heading out of my room, she said:

• I see you’re studying. What do you want to pursue as a career?
• I want to be a teacher. A math teacher.
• Why? Do you want to be poor? (In Romania the teachers have always been under paid and the entire educational system underfinanced)
• But I am poor now. Is there anything else I can do with my life given my skills and knowledge?

Finding out what my career aspirations were, she remember with a smile on her face the joy and happiness she felts being surrounded by students. But on the other hand, she wasn’t feeling complete with the road she has taken. That’s wy she made a change and gave up teaching.

If she would be my age, she would take another path and study computers (which was new at that time, especially in post-communist Romania). It would pay well, I could see the world and the brains would be challenged given the technology rapid advances.

I did not have a computer. I knew NOTHING about technology. I was a pen and paper geek. But I wanted to do something special in life. And having a decent living (an aspect I neglected when choosing my dream). And here it was, someone from my outer world penetrating my well-known universe with this new perspective.

I felt my dream breaking and my bubble cracking. Instinctively I was trying to fix my bubble, to protect it and reject this new wild idea. But I was so intrigued by the new prospect, by this opportunity – which seemed so close and at the reach of my hand given my math skills. All I had to do is to embrace a crazy-unkonwn idea, risk and adapt.

After sleepless nights, I talked to my parents who were strongly against something they had no clue about. Actually I had no clue about it either, but at least I heard a story which convinced me I could have a good life (financially at least).

And I know it’s good to listen to your parent. And I did (partially), I’ve got admitted and I followed both Math and Computer Science faculties simultanesouly for a full year. And when I’ve got a job in the second college year, I told my parents I’m giving up Math and focus solely on Computer Science, thus finally bursting my bubble. Best decision I’ve taken by the age of 20.

And here I am today. Still bursting bubbles and still open to the new. Not getting comfortable with where I am and what I do. Always in the search for a new challenge from which I can learn.

I know it’s easy to stay in our comfort zone, in our safe bubble. But what if we embrace the unkown? What if we don’t avoid risks anymore and see them as opportunities? What if learn not be frightened by new perspectives and unlearn our fears? How would our lives change?

Photo: https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/